Either way, you turn blue and pass out.

Princesses often find themselves weighing and evaluating ideas that many people never feel the need to ponder. Being an insomniac, this princess quite frequently has more than enough time to consider the meaning of life, not to mention all the things in the world that could be made better by the addition of purple and/or sparkles. (Sometimes purple and sparkles are just too much together… but this is a VERY rare occasion.)

One night, while the rest of the world was peacefully sleeping, I was awake and engaged in a moment of introspection and self reflection. As I was contemplating the world and how I fit in to it, I discovered a piece of wisdom that stuck with me.

          Sometimes the world is so big it takes your breath away.
          Sometimes the world is so small you can’t breathe.
          Either way, you turn blue and pass out.

Essentially, life is hard and sometimes knocks you down. But, once you wake back up, you get back up! Tenacity and flexibility are the some of the most effective tools to cutting your own path in the world.

Metaphorically (and on occasion literally) I have turned blue and passed out. It is not very princess like, but, hey… it happens. Upon waking, though, I usually find the world is not so scary. Each time this happens, I find myself surrounded by people I love, and who love me, ready and waiting to help me stand back up. Those people and their faith in me are what give me the courage to be tenacious and flexible.

After all, courage comes from knowing love is waiting on the other side of scary.

Almost Seeing...

Princesses meet many people in their day to day lives and I am no different in this respect. Some people, though, take a while to come into focus. SA was one of those people for me.

SA and I had been acquaintances for several months (and later realized we had met a couple years earlier) prior to the moment we knew we had found a kindred spirit. We had similar interests and involvements, overlapping social circles and common friends, and pleasantly exchanged greetings when meeting. All in all, I think we qualified as completely courteous contacts. Until one fateful November afternoon…

I arrived in full princess fashion (i.e. late) to a BBQ for the young adults group I was a member of at our church. I wandered around the deck, being polite and greeting everyone, and finally deciding on a place appropriate to pronounce a throne. The afternoon was going very well with lively chatter and general levity, when one of the members of the group addressed another member who happened to work in the same facility. The exchange went something like this:

Luis: “Oh, Rachel! I almost saw you the other day!”

*Princess Brandi snickers*

Rachel: “Oh yeah? ”

Luis:  ""Yeah, I almost saw you at the gym."

*Princess Brandi and SA start chuckling*

Luis: “I saw your car it he parking lot, but I did not see you in the gym. I must have just missed you”

Rachel: “Oh that’s too bad.  Come to think of it I almost saw you too!  I noticed your car as I was coming out of the gym."

*Catching each other’s eyes, Princess Brandi and SA loose all composure and erupt in to full laughter *

Luis: “What’s so funny?”

Princess Brandi: *between gasps of laughter* “How can you almost see someone???”

At this point, SA and I were laughing so hard we could barely breathe and the rest of the group just stared at us as if we had gone insane. We tried explaining the absurdity of “almost seeing” someone, but no one else really found it as funny as we did.

SA and I finally calmed down and began blending in with the rest of the group, but we both knew we had stumbled upon something pretty cool. Later we would recognize that moment as the day we found one of the rarest of treasures in each other. A friend that sees your world.

There is nothing almost about that kind of friend.

Sometimes, being a Princess is not all it’s cracked up to be

On occasion, my Princess self-righteousness has caused me problems. Indignation and intolerance for perceived stupidity is, unfortunately, a very volatile and short fused emotion for this princess.

Take today for example. An innocent staff meeting discussing the upcoming performance evaluation standards transformed me from a pleasant (albeit sleepy) mild mannered princess into a sardonic and cynical green creature capable of spewing venom and squealing in high pitched tones audible by only bats and small pets. My opinion was well known by all in the room and subsequently by a number of acquaintances via various modes of communication. Let’s just say I was not happy.

Now, it should be noted that the information presented at the meeting I, by my account, still classified as asinine and the product of paranoia on the parts of the higher ups, but my reaction was not one of grace and composure. Instead of politely enduring the assault on my common sense and professional ethics and then quietly developing an exit plan, I felt it necessary to let my view on the matter be known.

There were no repercussions from my shrill objections and my opinion was not uncommon among the group in attendance; however, a Princess should not behave in such a way. Lesson learned for the day: Grace and Obstinance do not make good bedfellows.

I feel you

I feel you.
You haven’t touched me yet.
And still, I feel you.
As if your soul stepped ahead of you,
Impatient as your body took its time.

You exhale slowly. Deliberately.
Warming the nape of my neck.
Your breath wrapping around
Stroking my cheek.

Waves of excitement rolling through me.
Eagerness for your touch permeating every part of me.

I hear the faint rustle of cotton.
Your arms are moving toward me.
Soon I will feel the strength and power of you
wrapped around me enveloping me
I am giddy with anticipation.

Fingers finally make contact.
A current of desire and heat races through me.
The wholeness of your body collides with mine
You bring me into you.
My senses hypersensitive
Desperate to take in as much of you as possible.

The smell of your skin
The scent of your hair
The rhythmic pounding of your heart
Euphoria spreads like a drug.
It floods every cell with desire.
The desire to possess you
and to be possessed by you.

Your body pushed against me tells me this is not a dream.
You are here.
You are real.

Listen! My beloved!

This morning I woke up with Aaron Shust’s “My Hope Is In You" on repeat in my head.  Specifically, the lines “My hope is in you, Lord, all the day long. I won’t be shaken by drought or storm. A peace surpassing understanding is my song.” I like the song, and it is certainly uplifting so … great way to start the day, right? Well, it gets better.

I get to work and meet with my first client. The session goes well, comes to a close, and I take a little non-work breather before moving on to the next task at hand.  Wandering the internet, I decide to take a look at today’s mass readings.

In the first reading (Jeremiah 17:5-10) I see, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose hope is the LORD” Huh… coincidence? Then I move to the Psalm (Psalm 1:1-6) with the refrain, “Blessed are they who hope in the Lord.” Hmmm… ok….

Then all of a sudden it hits me. That song is not the product of a random synapses firing in my brain to produce a memory. Those readings are not coincidental. It's all intentional.

It is an overwhelming and amazing feeling to realize that, the little voice in the back of your mind, is actually the Creator of the Universe whispering sweet nothings into the ear of His beloved.

Nerds: The Unsung Heroes of Princesses Everywhere

Being a self-proclaimed princess has some disadvantages. Not everyone sees my worth and the things that I hold dear do not always translate well to the rest of society. Thankfully, In my life I have stumbled across some charmingly odd individuals who not only accept my "outside of normal" approach to life, but actually embrace and encourage it. While they may not quite experience the same joy I do from performing full choreography while completing most any of life’s mundane deeds, they delight in my quirks and find me rather entertaining.

I find them a fascinating people, little known to the general population. They speak a language unknown to the masses and routinely shy from the public eye. Their abilities and capabilities are often coveted by mainstreamers and frequently harnessed by the government. While I like to call them by their given names, most people call them nerds.

Two, in particular, have become rather integral parts in the shenanigans of this princess. JJ and SA appeared separately in my world and through a series of adventures, misadventures, drinking, and silly songs have become some of the most important people in my life. They frequently speak a language completely foreign to me but are so very patient while I learn. They stand by me even when I erupt into a full on, category five, temper tantrum; offer unconditional love and support the best they know how; and when lofty dreams crumble at my feet, they manage to make me laugh when all I really want to do is cry.

So, while they not be celebrated champions by the rest of the world, they will always be my nerds in shining armor.

A Princess is as a Princess Does...

I am, well, different. To go all Mathlete on you, I am a statistical outlier on multiple occasions. That old adage “there is an exception to every rule.” Yeah, that’s me.

Of course, I *look* just like most of the population; appropriate number of eyes, ears, legs, arms, feet, hands. I come from a model family, both of my parents are healthy and still as in love with each other as they were when they got married 36 years ago. I have a house and a dog, two actually. Dogs that is. I have a good job, good friends, and a car that doesn’t (normally) fall apart. Really, I am the picture of normal.

But, see, therein lies the caveat; looks are deceiving. Now don’t get me wrong, “normal” is fine. Normal is perfectly acceptable, and frankly, by definition routinely accepted. There is nothing wrong with normal and I am sure there are many people in this word who are completely happy with being normal. But you have to admit… it’s kind of boring.

Unique is much more fun! Why be ordinary when there are wonderfully colorful, weird, and exciting things to see and do at every turn? Give me one good reason as to why I can’t sing ABBA and disco around my house in my pajamas on a Tuesday night! Why shouldn’t I have purple hair and wear a tiara while grocery shopping? Who says I can’t invent my own holidays?

Now, being a princess, that is not boring at all. Princesses don’t have to be “normal.” As a matter of fact, they are expected to be the complete opposite of common! A princess has the world as her oyster and beauty is all around her. Yes, princesses are known for being spoiled and prone to temper tantrums (which I am) but that is not really what defines a princess. A Princess is kind and loving, giving to those in need, rejoicing in the success of others, and concerned for the well being of those around her. A Princess knows the joy of love, the heartache of the loss of dreams, expect the very best of people, and rise above adversity. A Princess is strong and resourceful; they fight for what they believe in and will not stop until they succeed. A Princess knows her worth.

So, maybe I am not a princess by the literal definition of the word. I do not have a ruling family lineage, per se. But seeing as I live in a country without a monarchy, I think it is perfectly reasonable to proclaim myself a princess. TIARAS for ALL!!!